Emotional Intelligence - a necessary step

I'll make this one comparatively brief.

We are screwed up emotionally. Somewhere along the line we got the idea that emotion somehow "doesn't count". We're supposed to "fight through" emotion as if it wasn't there.

This attitude is prevalent to society in general and is even prevalent [to one degree or another] in Buddhism itself. For many Buddhist practitioners, insight means merely an 'intellectual' insight minus the emotion. Or so they THINK.

Fairly or unfairly, this apparent aspect is even [ironically] what attracts some people to the Buddhist path in the first place. Maybe it's a sense that they can some how "get beyond" all emotion or rid themselves of all of it.

Emotion is experience

Experience is our reality

Emotions can be negative, some are clearly that. These are called "afflictive" emotions. But not all emotions are afflictions or something to be done away with.

What would the world do without "love" for example? Would we care for our young?

And what about sadness?

I unfortunately know an extremely large number of people that are on antidepressant drugs - some of them are certainly helped by this.

But curiously, there are also some [perhaps many] who have somehow gotten the idea that they should NEVER experience a single moment of sadness. They believe that sadness is an "abnormal" experience. One person who is very close to me personally has even labeled themselves as an "abnormal person" based on this attitude.

This kind of thinking is like beating up a beating victim simply because they are crying for being beaten in the first place. Maybe it's the psychiatrists that should be on the drugs because that approach seems insane on the face of it.

While Buddhism is also mainly concerned with bringing the 'benefit of happiness' it would never take the approach of identifying a merely appearing emotion as being inherently "bad". And it is certainly not about making you feel "abnormal" for being "afflicted" by any emotion. Buddhism takes a more realistic approach [than simply prescribing a drug].

Of all Buddhist divisions it is Tibetan Buddhism [in particular "vajrayana" or "tantra"] that delves into and utilizes the emotional realms of experience the most - and the most realistically.

We cannot be here without love, without emotion, these are factors of experience. So if you decide some day to practice Buddhism as your path you should prepare yourself to reflect on your emotional experiences as much as your intellectual experiences. These two go hand in hand and are really inseparable.

Take some time to sit with your feelings, get to know them. Try to develop a more subtle sensitivity to all your emotions.

Take some time each day, to sit quietly as in meditation and just experience your feelings. You can do this within your normal meditation sessions OR you can decide to separately focus for a time on just your emotions.

Let them come up.

"Look" at them.

Feel them.

Notice them.

At first maybe just watch them come and go.

Then after a time you can analyze them to some extent if you want - but this can quickly turn into judgment so notice that as well.

The point of "emotional meditation" is just basically to develop your sensitivity to your feelings.

They don't exist in isolation. There is always a dependence on a thought or other mental appearances or images etc..

In practical terms, don't judge your emotions, acknowledge them. Don't suppress them, listen to them. That anger, that sadness is a language. It is communication from your more subtle mind to your more coarse conscious mind. What is it saying? If you listen you will learn.

Eventually, especially if you practice the Tibetan Buddhist path you will make good use of your emotional intelligence.

When the Dalai Lama talks about compassion he means the real FEELING of compassion. This is not just a head trip.

But even in regard to any path, paying attention to your emotional factors of experience greatly contributes to a more realistic approach to relationships of all kinds. This is incredibly vital to your well being.

I felt that this aspect of 'emotion' was missing from the blog and so I just wanted to mention it briefly for now. I'll post more about this later on.